Where the rubber hits the road….
(no pun intended)
The past few days has seen some serious discussion in our house, (in between furious blog watching). It’s not something I had imagined would be up for debate and there will no doubt be a few gleeful readers delighted to see me eat my vehement words: ‘I WILL NOT BE HAVING ANY MORE CHILDREN’. And boy did I mean it – as only a women can when labour, stitches and breastfeeding are still causing flashbacks after child number two.
But we’ve been looking at our wee family of late and we’re not sure it’s complete yet. There’s room for a bit more mayhem and wonder, in fact it’s beginning to feel like we might miss a key player if we continue to base our decision on how much I hate pregnancy and all that it and newborns entail. Not to mention the systematic destruction of the body I once knew and loved (well, maybe not loved, but it’s all relative).
Anyway, I like to approach these things with nice tidy columns of ‘pros’ and ‘cons’. But unfortunately those aren’t the most helpful categories in this decision because on the ‘cons’ side the list seems endless; the biggest factors being time, money and environmental impact. The last of these is probably the one that is making me hesitate most and I find myself tied in knots as I try to bring my thoughts on Christian family and Godly stewardship into conversation with each other.
Does God have an opinion on the number of children I have? Kids are part of his blessing to us aren’t they? Would he rather I save the planet or follow the desires of my heart for good things?
I don’t want to make this decision in the bubble of my family and their needs. Some of those who study the impact of population growth on the environment recommend we simply replace ourselves: two kids at most to limit the damage we are doing to our world. I want to take seriously my call to be a good steward of God’s creation and I know that means a bit of self-denial and sacrifice for the greater good – and let’s remember the ‘greater good’ includes my own two children and the world they will inhabit. But in this case isn’t the cost a little high? In later life I may get to sit smugly and remember how I helped save the world but what about the regret of the child I never had. Is that desperately self-indulgent?
Which brings me back to my nice, tidy, useless little list and the ‘pros’ side. And here it is: I would really love to have a third child. That’s it, that’s all I got. Despite my struggles with motherhood, and the frustrations of being a stay-at-home Mum (more on that in another post) my family doesn’t feel complete yet.
Luckily, environmental impact is about far more than numbers:
‘If we had 9bn people who were all vegetarian and walking to work, that’s very different to 9bn Americans driving to work and having hamburgers every day. For sure, if there were 1bn people we wouldn’t have the problems we do today, but numbers per se are not the problem alone – we have to look at the other side: consumption.’
The Guardian to the rescue once again.
So maybe deciding to have a third child goes hand in hand with a commitment to a more radical lifestyle – one that doesn’t just pay lip service to being ‘greener’ but treats seriously the call to sustainable living. I could almost get caught up in the romance of a plot of land, organic veg and a rain butt…… until I think about the realities of reusable nappies.
Hmmm….more thought and discussion to be had with Jayber I think.
He may escape the scalpel a little longer.
qmonkey said,
November 12, 2007 at 12:30 pm
This was the lead story in the Observer magazine yesterday… “three’s a crowd”
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/magazine/story/0,,2206650,00.html
It said, basicaly, best thing for the planet is to have no more than 2 and be a veggie… didn’t like it because my wife’s a veggie and only wants 2 kids… im not a veggie and i want 4!!!
qmonkey said,
November 12, 2007 at 12:31 pm
AHHH!!! i of course didnt read your last paragrah where you allready linked to that story… fell silly now. anyway.. good post.
voxo said,
November 12, 2007 at 6:21 pm
great stuff espero.
The scalpel of Damocles has been stayed for a season for all of us.
espero said,
November 12, 2007 at 8:28 pm
qmonkey, you are arousing suspicions that you only skim and half-read blog entries!
Voxo, something you’re not telling?
qmonkey said,
November 12, 2007 at 9:10 pm
no no, no no… i saw the guardian link, just didnt follow it… and it didnt click that guardian = observer.
i was complementing a great post – welcome to the sphere)
(be nice
lilytodd said,
November 12, 2007 at 9:54 pm
Oh my…I’m actually flabbergasted! Are you mad woman? You need any help with those lists? The girls at Thai-bo were just bemoaning tonight that our boobies of our youth are gone forever, some of us leak when lunging and we spend more money on peroxide than ever as pregnancy darkens our hair.
I don’t know who Voxo thinks he’s kidding, he’s staying intact for now but only cause I’m morbid and worry I’ll die. He’ll remarry, get a new mummy for my girls and want to have a new family with her. I really am a sicko. I considered getting the snip myself cause no matter what happens him, I aint having anymore bambinis. My GP talked me out of this drastic action though, he reckons its always the man’s responsibility.
Saying that, I have taken my big bags of maternity clothes on three occasions to charity shops and come home with them again. I just can’t seem to part with them yet.
I do often wonder though about the implications of us having so much choice and control compared with other generations. Does God mind that I choose convenience over nature? There are countries I want to see, books I want to write, sleep I want to have that won’t happen if I keep procreating. Am I selfish? I don’t think so, just enjoying one of the many privileges of this age that God has given us.
little sister said,
November 12, 2007 at 10:04 pm
3rd child completes the family! where would jayber crow be without me?
voxo said,
November 12, 2007 at 10:53 pm
I can’t believe the phrase “some of us leak when lunging” has come out of your mouth lilytodd.
Actually I can. And you have leaked all over espero’s nice new blog.
espero said,
November 12, 2007 at 11:38 pm
I don’t mind, in fact all leaking women get a special welcome.
Having now concluded with Jayber that it’s all systems go (although he may just be saying that to get more nookie), I’m quite excited about this next adventure. However, when I actually see the 2 blue lines on the stick, I may feel differently. But I just can’t shake off the feeling that we are missing somebody here, and I don’t even mean that we are holding out for a wee princess (although your 2 wee pink delights make it hard not to want one). It defies all logic as I DEFINITELY do not see myself as some kind of earth mother who finds her meaning in motherhood. I wrestle with it constantly.
Ha! Totally identify with the morbid thoughts. I spot a darker mole on Jayber and it’s cancer-death-will-our-critical-illness-cover-us. I’m also convinced that because I’ve 2 happy healthy kids this next one will be disabled or sick or something. Serious competition for you in the sicko stakes.
voxo said,
November 12, 2007 at 11:48 pm
Slow hand clap, Noo…. Kie….. Noo… Kie….
shameless,
I’m going to bed. to sleep.
meinmysmallcorner said,
November 13, 2007 at 10:23 am
Now, I may not have too much to say on the old leaky-droopy debate (Oh Lord have mercy!) and frankly, this post should have a PG (pastoral guidance) rating for the sake of young innocents like me. However… here’s some wisdom that was once thrown at me…
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, to do the ironing, the washing-up, to bring in a second income, to give birth again, and again, and again…
I’m paraphrasing of course.
Ha ha ha… glad for the refreshing break from the kerfuffle – keep it up, will you?
Plus, three kiddlywinks sounds like fun! Especially if the damage is done already, huh? xx
meinmysmallcorner said,
November 14, 2007 at 9:02 pm
I totally only just got the title to this post.
WhyNotSmile said,
November 16, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Smallcorner I hadn’t even understood the title!! Aaargh!!! My already-a-little-delicate-tummy has just taken a knock.
Anyway, I’m not looking likely to ever have kids, so you can have mine, OK? And still eat burgers as much as you like. I’m thinking of joining lilytodd’s dating service though, so maybe wait a while.
espero said,
November 17, 2007 at 6:25 pm
Ladies, really.
Clearly the title refers to when one’s ethical princpals must be reflected in one’s actions.
I can’t imagine why you would drag me down to the level of your own dirty minds.
(snigger)
carrieohara said,
January 9, 2008 at 10:34 pm
I think that a woman who debates whether or not having her third child is environmentally sound has the wisdom to rule the world… or at the very least a house full of children.
The idea of being God’s Steward on earth is inspiring: and I’m Agnostic…
Espero I can’t believe I’ve only discovered the wonder of your words now: an important voice has been missing from my life…
Lily I love that you discuss breasts and leaking at thaibo: it is women’s liberation of the highest order… I also love that Vox openly applauds Nookie…